I never really understood
how powerful someone's cry could be. Not by their voice, but of
either the different signs it could tell. The emotion in it, you
could be surprised, excited, angry or upset. You won't really know
unless you ask. That night at the hospital I never felt so cold, it
wasn't the air condition, or the tiled floors, it was chills in my
body after having to ask my mom what was wrong, why my brother had
the stay there for the night. That moment when time freezes, all you
can feel is your chest drop and your throat tighten while you try to
come up with words to respond when really an you want to do is fall,
crouch on the floor and hope this feeling passes. That you can just
sink in the tears you cry hoping they give comfort, that the pain of
almost anything could be healed by the touch of someone stroking you
back as you take it all in. As if everything was a dream, as if this
could never have happened, as if something like this wasn't supposed
to be that way. How many times do you get a younger sibling,
something so precious was being introduced to you, then later having
to find out by a bunch of strangers that there was a problem. The
dreams you pictured with that brother or sister doing things together
when they got old enough to walk and run with you, play and fight
with you became a blur. No one could possibly understand what went
through my mind that night. The flashes of thoughts that raced
through me as I tried to picture what was going to happen next.
No one ever pictures the
worst for a new born. I was in the 3rd grade, and at
the time all I cared about what that he came out a boy. I prayed long
and hard for many years for a sibling, no one understood how
important that wish was for me. I said it specifically and
repeatedly, “I wanted a brother!” Not like I didn't love a sister
any less, I just wanted a brother the even out the family ratio, my
mom, dad, me, and a brother, its just sounded cooler that way. More
that excited was I when my mom finally told me about it. But what
made my life complete was her delivery day. I could barely
concentrate that day at school, I would tell all my friends every
minute that passed before the school bell rang for dismissal. My dad
came to pick me up & take me to see him at the hospital. He name
is Aedan, seeing him for the first time was a dream, not only that,
but a dream come true. I wanted no pet, or any other kind of toy, I
waited almost a good year for this beautiful brother. Life seemed
complete. Just like I mentioned earlier, everyone gets their fair
share of problems. Well, after a few weekly check ups for him, not
expecting anything out of the ordinary, it hit me. Not just me but
us, my family, the dose of complication that just had to happen. The
doctors informed us that he was developing slower than normal. He was
weak for his age and weight, the diagnosed it as muscular dystrophy
and a whole list of words I could never learn how to pronounce, read
or spell. All that mattered was that something was wrong. I
It was a tough phase for my
family to take it, I didn't even seem to mind that mom and dad would
take out their frustration on a few little things I did knowing it
had nothing to do with me. Everyone was mad, upset, sad, crying was
at a normal basis in my household. What I can say is that from this
experience I learned how to grow up fast. It was me putting this
family together. Through the strength I gained through
Aedan. Learning how to be independent, how to chose to stay
positive if I wanted anything to get better from where I stood. I
wanted to be able to give an example on how I could still look at any
angle of life and see goodness. To be able to stay happy, and look
forward to a new and brighter day, finding a way and even solution to
work around the challenge brought upon us instead of watching my
family just sit and let time fly beneath their feet. To let them
watch their friends enjoy life without them. Soon afterwards my
positive thinking rubbed off on everyone else. Aedan is now 6, he is
a happy little kid. Actually he's a little more intelligent that I
ever was at his age. It astonishes me when I see him actually enjoy
doing math problems and homework, which is apparently his favorite
subject. It's not difficult for me to trust, but it is difficult for
me to stay faithful and hopeful for the future that someday soon he
will take his first step on his own and walk and play with the kids
outside without a care in the world. I know that day will come
because I believe in trusting the Lord in anything no matter how hard
the circumstances seem to look.
At this very moment as I'm
writing this paper, I feel almost the exact same pain that struck me
the first time. The tears roll down my cheeks naturally when I bring
up this experience. Even if it's been years ago, it wouldn't matter,
the same kind of feelings I have will always be there, because no one
knows but me, in my perspective how this experience felt like. With
it, I am more conscious about judging who has it worse or if hating
life is really that necessary to imply in a sentence because I know
for a fact I will never know how hard someone has it. I know what it
feels like to look around and see the worst of life, no one else but
me, though everything happens for a reason. I can only judge myself
when it comes down to it, life is what I make it, on how I manage to
handle any obstacle it has for me. I think with this, it has made me
a stronger person today. I'm in control to how I want to overcome any
obstacle handed to me, life can be the easiest thing if I chose to
treat it that way, or the worst if I let the little thing take over
me. I expect the best, because I deserves the best, no one can tell
me otherwise unless they've experienced the challenges I overcame,
this I believe.
