This I Believe

It's a fact that you never truly know who a person is unless you've walked in their shoes. You will never know exactly how a person is even if they can be the closest friend you have. Especially when it comes to the problems they deal with. Obviously everyone has their fair share of problems to deal with because no one said life was easy. It can be by the way we chose to deal with them or even how we seem to hide them from others. Although no one can see, hear, or feel just how much pain someone can be in besides our own. Compared to a smile, happiness is something quit obvious to tell from a person, it could be a complete stranger but it still would be that easy to witness the kind of joy they have inside them. The way our mind categorizes how we feel, its amazing that we can turn a feeling into the way it controls us in a smile, a laugh, a frown, or a cry.

I never really understood how powerful someone's cry could be. Not by their voice, but of either the different signs it could tell. The emotion in it, you could be surprised, excited, angry or upset. You won't really know unless you ask. That night at the hospital I never felt so cold, it wasn't the air condition, or the tiled floors, it was chills in my body after having to ask my mom what was wrong, why my brother had the stay there for the night. That moment when time freezes, all you can feel is your chest drop and your throat tighten while you try to come up with words to respond when really an you want to do is fall, crouch on the floor and hope this feeling passes. That you can just sink in the tears you cry hoping they give comfort, that the pain of almost anything could be healed by the touch of someone stroking you back as you take it all in. As if everything was a dream, as if this could never have happened, as if something like this wasn't supposed to be that way. How many times do you get a younger sibling, something so precious was being introduced to you, then later having to find out by a bunch of strangers that there was a problem. The dreams you pictured with that brother or sister doing things together when they got old enough to walk and run with you, play and fight with you became a blur. No one could possibly understand what went through my mind that night. The flashes of thoughts that raced through me as I tried to picture what was going to happen next.

No one ever pictures the worst for a new born. I was in the 3^rd grade, and at the time all I cared about what that he came out a boy. I prayed long and hard for many years for a sibling, no one understood how important that wish was for me. I said it specifically and repeatedly, “I wanted a brother!” Not like I didn't love a sister any less, I just wanted a brother the even out the family ratio, my mom, dad, me, and a brother, its just sounded cooler that way. More that excited was I when my mom finally told me about it. But what made my life complete was her delivery day. I could barely concentrate that day at school, I would tell all my friends every minute that passed before the school bell rang for dismissal. My dad came to pick me up & take me to see him at the hospital. He name is Aedan, seeing him for the first time was a dream, not only that, but a dream come true. I wanted no pet, or any other kind of toy, I waited almost a good year for this beautiful brother. Life seemed complete. Just like I mentioned earlier, everyone gets their fair share of problems. Well, after a few weekly check ups for him, not expecting anything out of the ordinary, it hit me. Not just me but us, my family, the dose of complication that just had to happen. The doctors informed us that he was developing slower than normal. He was weak for his age and weight, the diagnosed it as muscular dystrophy and a whole list of words I could never learn how to pronounce, read or spell. All that mattered was that something was wrong. I

It was a tough phase for my family to take it, I didn't even seem to mind that mom and dad would take out their frustration on a few little things I did knowing it had nothing to do with me. Everyone was mad, upset, sad, crying was at a normal basis in my household. What I can say is that from this experience I learned how to grow up fast. It was me putting this family together. Through the strength I gained through Aedan. Learning how to be independent, how to chose to stay positive if I wanted anything to get better from where I stood. I wanted to be able to give an example on how I could still look at any angle of life and see goodness. To be able to stay happy, and look forward to a new and brighter day, finding a way and even solution to work around the challenge brought upon us instead of watching my family just sit and let time fly beneath their feet. To let them watch their friends enjoy life without them. Soon afterwards my positive thinking rubbed off on everyone else. Aedan is now 6, he is a happy little kid. Actually he's a little more intelligent that I ever was at his age. It astonishes me when I see him actually enjoy doing math problems and homework, which is apparently his favorite subject. It's not difficult for me to trust, but it is difficult for me to stay faithful and hopeful for the future that someday soon he will take his first step on his own and walk and play with the kids outside without a care in the world. I know that day will come because I believe in trusting the Lord in anything no matter how hard the circumstances seem to look.

At this very moment as I'm writing this paper, I feel almost the exact same pain that struck me the first time. The tears roll down my cheeks naturally when I bring up this experience. Even if it's been years ago, it wouldn't matter, the same kind of feelings I have will always be there, because no one knows but me, in my perspective how this experience felt like. With it, I am more conscious about judging who has it worse or if hating life is really that necessary to imply in a sentence because I know for a fact I will never know how hard someone has it. I know what it feels like to look around and see the worst of life, no one else but me, though everything happens for a reason. I can only judge myself when it comes down to it, life is what I make it, on how I manage to handle any obstacle it has for me. I think with this, it has made me a stronger person today. I'm in control to how I want to overcome any obstacle handed to me, life can be the easiest thing if I chose to treat it that way, or the worst if I let the little thing take over me. I expect the best, because I deserves the best, no one can tell me otherwise unless they've experienced the challenges I overcame, this I believe.