Sunday, October 30, 2011

Essay Draft Eating Disorders

   Eating Disorders can come in a variety of types. Two main ways out of many are Anorexia and Bulemia, both deadly illnesses that are stems spread from your thought and emotions rather than bacteria or viruses such as the flu or sexually transmitted diseases. Eating Disorders are more than just problems involving food. Due to the negative feeling or perspectives about food, it can affect your relationships toward friends, family, and everyone else around you. Having an unhealthy relationship with consuming food can not only harm your body but also you emotions. Compulsive exercise is also a growing problem as each disorder is a little different that each other,they all portray extremely dangerous health risks.
    Bulimia Nervosa is one type of eating disorder the word "bulimia" originated from the greek words buos ("ox") and limos ("hunger"), which together meant, "hunger of an ox." Bulimia nervosa forces sufferers into a dangerous cycle of bingeing and purging. Today, bulimia is a major social concern. Bulimia forces sufferers into a dangerous cycle of bingeing and purging after consuming food, while anorexia forces sufferers to basically not eat anything to try and achieve a certain body image that majority of the time is influenced by the public or media through television or magazines. At a grocery store as you wait in line to pay after shopping, the first thing you see are racks of magazines all with images of celebrities with an ideal body that most people want to achieve. It can second guess yourself to eat that bag of chips you are waiting in line to buy or any other foods. Most people desire to be as "perfect" to those who advertise and model for clothing brands or any other brands from bags to jewelry that you see through newspapers, magazines, or billboards.
  On the other hand, from most studies of interviews with victims of eating disorders, they didn't realize how unhealthy it was. Their main intentions were to try and get skinny and in shape, or to try and get slim in a short period of time, not realizing that being in shape doesn't necessarily mean looking thin. This reason seams relatable to people who wonder why victims were lead to an eating disorder. This inspired more organizations to help treat victims to recover and find healthier options of dealing with their unsatisfied relationship with their body. It is important to understand the point of view between victims that lead them to ending up with eating disorders. Most cases that lead to eating disorders were emotionally through depression, lack of self esteem and self acceptance, or basically just the fact that taking shortcuts to getting skinny was faster and easier than to live a healthier lifestyle by changing their diet or exercising. Two examples of celebrities who used to suffer from eating disorders are Mary Kate Olsen, who experienced anorexia, and Paula Abdul who battled bulimia.
  Eating disorders a quit common than most people suspect considering that according to the National Eating Disorder Association, about 5 to 10 million girls and women , and 1 million boys in the United States are battling from an eating disorder such as bulimia or anorexia nervosa. Currently more than 8 million Americans are suffering from eating disorders. 90-95% of them are female, although the number of males suffering from eating disorders are increasing. About 1 out of 10 with an eating disorder are male. According to recent studies, about 40% of the newly diagnosed cases of anorexia are girls and young women who are between the ages of fifteen and nineteen. Overall, it is an extremely dangerous way of losing weight. It shouldn't even be tried even once and should also be treated by those who suffer from eating disorders today. Despite it's little benefits, you can die. Eating disorders can't only affect you physically but also mentally.

3 comments:

  1. Hey Ang!
    I think you're missing your intro because your first paragraph is stating facts which should really be included in your body paragraph. And in your intro, maybe you could say something that the audience/readers can relate to and somewhere after that, state your thesis but make sure your beginning leads right into your thesis.. make it flow smoothly. Or you could use half of your second paragraph to use as your intro because half of it talks about the media and getting a certain body image. You know where it says 'Bulimia forces sufferers into a dangerous cycle of bingeing and purging after consuming food...start your intro where it starts talking bout body image so you're not really telling facts about bulimia or anorexia. For this sentence: 'Anorexia and Bulemia both deadly illnesses that are stems spread from your thought and emotions rather than bacteria or viruses such as the flu or sexually transmitted diseases' you could fix it up by saying.. Anorexia and Bulimia are both deadly illnesses that spread from your thoughts and emotions, different from bacteria, flu viruses, or sexually transmitted diseases. I really like your ideas in the third paragraph but try to split it up a bit so the paragraph doesn't run on and it doesn't go off topic so right when it says.. It is important to understand.. start a new paragraph. And I see you talk about MK Olsen and Paula.. try to talk a little bit more bout it (Why they did it? How did they cope with it? Etc. but only if you could find the information through research cause that would be a good example. In your fourth paragraph, I don't find it necessary that in your first sentence to add 'considering that according to the'. Anyway, maybe you should stick to your pro con pro con and talk a little bit more about the media since that's what your thesis is about. But overall, this is a good essay. Js try to add more information that have to do with your thesis and then it'll be good. (: Can't wait to see your final!

    -Melissa

    ReplyDelete
  2. heey,

    I got a little lost with your thesis. If its about compulsive excercising you should add what can be done to help teens to lose weight the healthy way.Your essay seems a little confusing at parts like some sentences are just thrown in for example in the second paragraph it talks about bulimia than it goes into being in late at a grocery story. Maybe that part could be like your intro or something because it doesnt really fit there.Try elaborating just a little more on how celebrities like paula Abudla and mary Kate Olsen beat there diseases instead of it just kinda being thrown in there.
    maybe what would make this essay stronger is by showing the reader what happens to a person when going through an eating disorder mentally and physically.

    -sierra

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Angelica,
    I think Mel has made some good points in her commentary. She tells you to stick to your thesis, and that is a major issue with your essay. You thesis is supposed to media as a cause of bulimia, but your essay seems to be a bunch of information about bulimia added, without any real organization.
    If you focus on your thesis and organize according to media and its contribution to eating disorders, that will help to improve your essay.
    I recommend outlining or re-outlining and having someone look over the outline before you begin to write your final draft :)
    mrs s

    ReplyDelete