I am a Barbie Doll
I am always smiling and laughing majority of the time you see me
I can be a little ditzy at times, but I still manage to keep my dignity
My mood can chance as constantly as my clothes do.
Being fashionable is a priority for me
Some people hate me, some people love me
I love myself but not as much as the people who care for me.
I am friendly but sometimes a little too friendly, I am easy to become friends with.
I can be too sensative at times, I can break or fall into pieces if you hurt me.
I might look or talk like I know nothing, but really I know a lot
You wont know who I really am unless you hang out by me or talk to me
I am a Barbie Doll
you really compare yourself to a barbie doll,
ReplyDeletethough you could make these comparisons more linked to a doll.Though i think word choice would make this alot more refined.If i didnt know you and i read this i would think that you were a little bratty,but thats not who you are.In parts like "I can be a little ditzy at times, but I still manage to keep my dignity"should be worded a bit better like "i may seem a little crazy,but i.."something.you should change ditzy,it makes you sound a little dumb.I think in every sentance could be improved if you change some words.
just ask me if you need help,with words.
-Sierra Acoba
Hi Angelica (:
ReplyDeleteI really liked your metaphor poem. For me, I think it was really interesting reading your poem that you wrote(:
The first thing that you could work on is, describing yourself as a barbie doll more. I thought that you had great details that describes you, but I do not see any comparison about your metaphor poem explaining how or why you are a barbie doll.
Another advice that I would like to suggest is, you could improve on more "catchy" words in your poem. I really like the choices of words you have so far, but I think if you just add more of those "catchy" words, then your poem will be more interesting will words that catch the readers attention.
Other than that, Good Job and keep up the good work, also make those corrections so that your poem could be better(:
*Abby !(:
Hi Angelica,
ReplyDeleteCute poem.
Your teammates need to make more specific comments. Without specific suggestions, the commentary is not very helpful.
As for my suggestions, because you are comparing yourself to something that is a representation of a human, you will need to be very specific about the characteristics of Barbie that you are using as a metaphor. Right now, just the "break and fall into pieces" are specific qualities of the doll that work. The others are more a description of you than a comparison of you with a Barbie doll.
Good start, but work on the metaphor comparison more carefully.
mrs s