Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Querencia Draft

        As I step feet away from the campus, I can already hear the laughter & joy of those student waiting for their parents at the lanai near the office. I am swept away from the gentle breeze of the refreshing wind. I can't help but think of all the great times I had here. Although I only attended Saint Theresa Catholic School for 3 years, I feel so attached to it. It is like my second home. Coming from a public school, it is really different. You learn more discipline here. At first, it hated this place, but later on after graduating and looking back, I realized that it actually helped me. It taught me how to be the mature, independent, strong young woman I am today. They taught me time management skills, over achieving, and especially to not be afraid to live up my faith.
      I guess I realize now how important it is to include God in your daily life. Not only do I just love the school, but also the church. I always love to go to confession because it gives me a time to let out all the guilt I have inside me and start fresh again. I love staying back after mass either when I'm altar serving or going with my family because the silence after the mass if just so overwhelming. It's calming a peaceful almost like a getaway from the real world. You can actually hear yourself think, it's really relaxing.
     Whenever it comes to visiting the school, I never get tired walking around visiting all the places where we had our greatest laughs and funniest moments. It's really fun seeing all those old & new faces around school. Also getting to see all the changes they made over the year. There is never a year they didn't change up the rules. It makes us, as the alumnis of the school jealous to want to go back another year. I love how there are so many different places to chill. If you ever visit this place, you would understand. It is always breezy with the sound of birds and laughing children. To me, it's calming. I never mind being alone for a while, because it's on of those places where it won't matter. It might be a little school, but in all, it's quite easier to memorize names and make friends. I think the only thing I didn't like about the school was the uniforms! I hate showing my legs because I am extremely paranoid about them. Our uniforms used to be skorts and jumpers so I would always freak out because I hated when people looked at my legs! I actually learned how to be a tougher volleyball player too, because since our court was outdoors, we had an advantage over other schools that had gyms and indoor courts. Although I did get a little more darker after awhile, my mom actually got mad because of it. I was a big trouble maker back then, so I always got punishment laps where I would have to run around the whole church depending how many times I got in trouble. I'm pretty sure in all, I probably ran around 45 times through the whole season.
      Saint Theresa is not just an ordinary school, it more than that. They taught me how to love one another and bond as a family. It's a place where you can go to collect your thoughts. To have good laughs and memories that will last a life time. It is definately a place I will never forget.

  

3 comments:

  1. Hi Angelica,
    I can tell from your essay that you have many connections and memories from St. Theresa!
    Conventions: In your first sentence, you use the phrase, "of those student." It should be, "of those students." Also, take out the word "feet" in the first sentence. In your 2nd sentence, maybe it would be better to use the word "by" instead of, "from" to give the reader a better understanding. Remember that commas should be used--"Also, ..." Maybe it would help you to recognize grammatical errors if you read your essay out loud? That always helps me!
    Organization: By jumping from one topic (or story) to the next, it confuses the reader as to where you are in your personal story. Try to connect your topics and paragraphs by finding similarities and connecting them. Try to avoid including stories that don't relate to your special place in the middle of your essay.
    Ideas: While your ideas are good, try to make it more significant of why you chose this as your querencia. Maybe include more ideas from the present-day?
    Voice: Make sure you make this essay about YOU. Explain what makes it special for you as an individual.
    Word Choice: Although you included descriptive language, try to not use the same words repeatedly!
    Good Job!
    ~Leah M.

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  2. Conventions:i really agree with leah on the part you could read ur essay out loud,it really helps me too. and yeah there such be punctuations between some words.
    Organization:i agree also with the part you would want to stay on one topic and not bounce around.i lyk the connections what you have in the story,but you may to relate it to the main topic not the sub topics.
    Ideas:I understand your ides which are very good,but yeah as leah said you may want to explain in more detail why you chose saint theresa as your querencia.
    Voice:I agree with leah on this one,you should explain why its special to u
    Word Choice:I lyk how you give very concrete details about ur topic but you may want to chhoose different words and using the same ones as leah said
    But Good Job!
    -Brayton

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  3. Hi Angelica,
    I agree with Leah and Brayton that you've selected a good place to describe as your querencia.
    And I also agree with them about the organization and focus. If you organize around the ways St.Theresa has affected you as a person, the essay will be stronger. Once you have decided what your focus is, include specific details the "show, not tell" the reader about those particular details that have influenced you as a person.
    As for conventions, one of the main things to correct is to keep the person consistent. That means if you start in first person (I, we, my, ours, us, etc) the whole paper should be in first person. Avoid using second person "you" because it shifts the point of view and starts addressing the readers.
    Great start...let me know if you have questions.
    mrs s

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