Dear Ever Blue,
I have a frequent customer at ever blue, I come to shop almost every other month. I adore the sense of fashion your store has to offer and at the reasonable prices. Although one main concern is of the employees. I feel as if majority of the employees that are hired are teens. Probably for a "first job"experience.
One thing I think should be improved on is the training of the employees.I recall a few times waiting to pay for my items which took about 20 minutes of me waiting in line with only 2 people who were in front of me. One of the main reasons was because of the cashier unable to manage how to work the register. She would constantly have to call another employee to help her out. Another reason of why it took so long for me to pay for my items was because of the cashier being confused on which item she already scanned, which items she took tags off of, and even how much money she was supposed to give back. I remember one customer in front of me who came back to the desk while it was my turn to pay explaining that the clerk gave her change back a dollar short. I appreciate how they apologized for the confusion.
Another thing I have noticed is the attitude the employees give to the customers. I appreciate how friendly & helpful majority of them are by asking if any customer is in need of assistance on finding or reaching any items. However, one incident that has happened to me is the service that the workers give, although they are polite to the customers, by the way they speak to them, they should also show a friendly expression in their faces on how they look at other customers in the store. Also in the fitting room, there was a time I had to search the whole store for someone to assist me to a door in the fitting room. Other times, the worker attending the fitting room to help other customers to stalls seem bored and tired. I feel it gives customers the wrong impression as if they are unwilling to help the customers out. I suggest to advice the workers to show enthusiasm to the customers and make sure to come to work with a positive attitude to show to other customers. I'm pretty sure this will help your business, because good service at stores gives customers the attitude to want to come back to shop at every blue frequently.
Again, I appreciate your services at ever blue. Your company an workers do an outstanding job at maintaining the stores. I just feel that these suggestions about the employees training & services will help your sales.
Sincerely,
Angelica Faylogna
Hey Ang!
ReplyDeleteI like how you have a couple arguments to back up your statement and why you feel that Ever Blue should improve a couple things. However, it's kind of a little confusing. Try to keep the positive stuff out of the negative stuff. Remember, con pro con pro. That will make the reader less confused on what you're trying to say. Example.. in the second paragraph (last sentence), you say a positive comment and how you appreciate the way they apologized and in the third paragraph (second sentence), you also say something else you appreciate about them. Like I said, keep the pros and cons separate. So, maybe you can talk about what you appreciate about Ever Blue towards the ending of your letter. Other than that, if you read over your letter before sending it in and you make sure that there are no grammatical mistakes, then you should be good to go. (:
-Mel
Dear Angelica,
ReplyDeleteTo make your essay stronger I feel that you should do the following:
In the third paragraph you talk about how friendly the workers are.then you start to talk about how unfriendly they are. To keep the essay clear to the reader you should keep the pros and cons out of the same paragraphs. Also in the first paragraph you start to say that most of the workers are teens looking for a first job experience. I feel that part is not necessary for it does not tie into what you are really trying to say. At the end of the essay you should add specific suggestions in how they should train their staff. This would give the reader a better idea on what you feel should be done about the situation.
-Sierra acoba
Hi Angelica,
ReplyDeleteFirst, I think your teammates gave you some good suggestions--about organization and about grammar.
Here are my comments: You need to be more specific about your evidence--cite dates and times. You also need to be more specific than "attitude" "bored" and "tired." Specific quotes of employee comments would help. Specific gestures, specific responses to requests for assistance, etc.
And, as your teammates suggest, be careful on mechanics. The draft does not seem as if it has been proofread. You need to do that in a critique ready draft.
mrs s